I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
