if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
