im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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