i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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