We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
