worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
zippers are such a cool invention
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
