Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
