I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
