guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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