I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
