butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
