my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just cropdusted the office
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
