I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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