You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
