Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Oh god it's open bar.
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