shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
