I love black thongs
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize