OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
