I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
