sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
