Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
sarcasm needs its own font
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
