What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
