Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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