I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
