You're my little dorito
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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