I just saw a hot homeless man
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Randomize
