And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
