Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
