bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
