y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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