Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
