I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
