My underwear smells like fireworks.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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