11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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