If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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