I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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