cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
