it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
