he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
