Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My vagina just recognized that song.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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