he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
babies were throwing up all over the place
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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