Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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