even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
even my farts smell like vagina
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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