So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize