It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
stop calling my apartment porn island.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
