I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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