Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
