is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
