Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
