The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
