with your own penis?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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