I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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