Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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