if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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