Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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