my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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