hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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