I murdered the dance floor call the cops
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
