my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I don't think brook has ever known best
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize