Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
