we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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