If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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