69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
