if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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