i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
