Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
