just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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