Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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