It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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