as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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