im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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