You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
