Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize