Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
