im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
They have beer where we have blood.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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