Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
