So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
