Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
