We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
