The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
