Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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