I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
