yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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