I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
