I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
