cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He passed out mid-signature
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
