the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
