Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
