i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
