I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
