I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
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