only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
