Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize