The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
