toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
