let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
