she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
