A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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