Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
