There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
