having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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