i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
