Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
