There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize