maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
