i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
