I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
worst night to have a conscience
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I want a musical about memes.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
