omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
